What I Wish
by Demon-Maid-Nova-Jigoku
Summary: "My only wish is for everyone's happiness" - A drabble series. The humans and trolls pour out their feelings on pairings, about themselves, about events that had happened in their lives. Everything. (will update character list for each new chapter :3)
1. 33 what i wish

**Hello all! Demon-Maid-Nova-Jigoku here! **

**Soo, I got supurr bored one day, and was simply going through a bunch of homestuck videos when a glorious idea hit me:**

**I can totally make a series of poems/songs for shippings/characters/etc! And from this thought, this little drabble series formed.**

**I don't know how many I'll make, but I do hope you'll all like them! **

**Me: Nepeta? Care to do the DISCLAIMER?**

**AC: :33 of course!  
AC: :33 demon-maid-nova-jigoku does not own us characters or homestuck  
AC: :33 andrew hussie does! t33h33 X33**

**-  
**  
What I Wish

My purrsonal wish  
Has always b33n fur everyone's happiness  
and as others found theirs  
I failed to find my own

"Smile"  
I tell myself  
"It'll be okay"  
"It will be your turn fur  
happiness one day"

As others pass by  
I s33 their faces alit with light  
And I remember that all I wanted  
Was fur you to s33  
How much you meant to me  
and yet I can't, and it tears me  
To pieces  
Cuz I wanted was your heart  
And your kisses

I s33 everyone's wishes come true  
And I think to myself  
Why hasn't mine come true too?  
Can you not s33 it yourself?

"Smile"  
I tell myself  
"It'll be okay"  
"It will be your turn fur  
happiness one day"

As others pass by  
I s33 their faces alit with light  
And I remember that all I wanted  
Was fur you to s33  
How much you meant to me  
and yet I can't, and it tears me  
To pieces  
Cuz I wanted was your heart  
And your kisses

I'm dying, I'm dying  
I can f33l myself crying  
As I lay here I finally s33  
Your heart and kisses  
Weren't meant fur me

"Smile"  
I tell myself  
"It'll be okay"  
"It will be your turn fur  
happiness one day"  
As others pass by  
I s33 their faces a lit with light  
And I remember that all I wanted  
Was fur you to s33  
How much you meant to me  
and yet I can't, and it tears me  
To pieces  
Cuz I wanted was your heart  
And your kisses

All I wanted was your heart and your kisses

**-END-**

**Whew! Finished! I hope you all liked it! Please read and review! I wanna know if I should continue with it. :33  
**


	2. Why?

**Hello everyone! Since I got such amazing feedback from you guys, I thought I should bring in the next installment! As I've mentioned this is a little drabble series of songs/poems/short stories etc. of our favorite band of homestuck characters set in their Point Of View.  
**

**AC: :33 demon wanted ac to give a biiiig shout out to **_InvaderXJadeXUchiha _**fur being the furry furst purrson to review!  
****AC: :33 thank you so furry much InvaderXJadeXUchiha!****  
AC: :33 the authoress told me to give you this *ac hands over an ac plushie*  
AC: :33 t33h33 anyways  
AC: :33 Demon-Maid-Nova-Jigoku does not own homestuck!  
AC: :33 Andrew Hussie does!  
**

**Me: Heh. Thanks Nep. Anyways! I just wanted to let you know that my friend, I will call her "xXAp0calypseArisenXx" for now, wrote this, so all praise goes to her. I hope you all enjoy!**

**_Why?_**

Life was great

Life was grand

Until she t00k c0ntr0l 0f y0ur mind

And I saw my life's end at last

Why?

It wasn't y0ur fault

I'm n0t mad at you

Please wipe y0ur tears away

And pr0mise t0 l0ve me always

S0llux, my S0llux

I f0rgive y0u even th0ugh

There is n0thing t0 f0rgive

Vriska is the 0ne t0 blame

She wanted t0 hurt me

And she did

But why did she have t0 hurt y0u t00?

If I never see you again my Sollux

Promise to answer this one questi0n:

Why?

N0w I drift

Thr0ugh emptiness

Aimlessly destr0ying temples

And feeling n0 em0ti0n

Why?

I kn0w things were different

Bef0re I died

But I just can't bring myself t0 smile

And say I l0ve y0u

S0llux, my S0llux

I f0rgive y0u even th0ugh

There is n0thing t0 f0rgive

Vriska is the 0ne t0 blame

She wanted to hurt me

And she did

But why did she have to hurt y0u t00?

If I never see y0u again my S0llux

Pr0mise t0 answer this 0ne questi0n:

Why?

I sh0uld be crying I think

But I am dead

What purp0se have I for tears

0h S0llux please find happiness

S0llux, my S0llux

I f0rgive y0u even th0ugh

There is n0thing t0 f0rgive

Vriska is the 0ne t0 blame

She wanted to hurt me

And she did

But why did she have to hurt y0u t00?

If I never see y0u again my S0llux

Pr0mise t0 answer this 0ne questi0n:

Why?

"Why did y0u d0 this Vriska?"

"Why must you hurt 0thers?"

"Why can't y0u see y0u are just hurting y0urself t00?"

**_END_**

**There! Finished! Like I said, kudos for xXAp0calypseArisenXx for this piece.  
**

**As I said before, PLEASE READ, REVIEW, AND FAVORITE! I LIVE for reviews and favorites! .  
**


	3. C4RRY YOU HOM3

**Here we are! The third installment! To all you lovers of actual stories, this one's for you! Well, one of the people it's for. I dedicate this lovely fic to one of my best friends. Let's just call her Rezi for the time being. She asked me to write this for her and so here it is! I hope you all enjoy it! A/N: This is a Team Scratch and Sniff fic (Terezi and Nepeta). LONG LIVE THE SHIPS. Nep, care to do the disclaimer?****  
**

**:33 of course!  
:33 demon does not own homestuck  
:33 andrew hussie does~ :33**  
**ENJOY~ By the way, this is my first Songfic, so please, please be kind **

**_C4RRY YOU HOM3_**

Here we are, college days among us, and, as per college stereotypes, my friend/nemesis Gamzee managed to pull me, our friend Sollux, and his best friend Karkat to a club to party, get drunk, and pretty much ruin our college lives and fill them with unpleasant, reminiscing memories of how stupid we were when we were younger. Unfortunately for Gamzee, and, more unfortunate for me, I didn't want to go in the first place. I had wanted to stay in my dorm room and spend a little time to myself and simply think things out. This little time to myself that I coveted so very much has not been granted to me as of late.

So here I am, sitting at a black, marble-topped bar, and on a plush red cushion at the newest and most popular club around: 'RED'. Though the sound of the place was pleasing to the ear, given that my favorite color was its namesake, it didn't feel welcoming in the slightest. In fact, the moment I had stepped in, being guided by Karkat because the crowd was so dense, I felt suffocated within minutes. The smell of sweat, alcohol, and desire had assaulted my delicate nose the moment I set foot within the club.

_Give me a second I_

_I need to get my story straight_

_My friends are in the bathroom_

_getting higher than the empire state_

Least to say, I was not pleased, but Karkat, being the ever caring friend he was, had sat me down at the bar, ordered me a red margarita, and kept me company, keeping relatively calm for once despite his very short-tempered nature. I sipped the drink and slipped into silence, not noticing much except for the fact that Gamzee had dragged Sollux off to the bathroom, at least I think that's where he dragged him. Considering the fact that my eyesight sucked, he could have dragged Sollux off anywhere and I'd never know.

However after a good fifteen minutes of waiting for them to return, they never did. It got me curious and a little worried as to where our permanently high friend had brought our perpetually bipolar companion to. "Hey Karkles" I spoke up, leaning in so he could hear me over the pulsating, bass-filled music. His red tinted dark brown pools flickered over to me, irritation laced within them. As if that wasn't anything new.  
"What?" he replied in a gruff, low tone, straining to get his voice loud enough for me to hear. It was obvious he was as annoyed at being dragged here as I was. Ignoring his snippy reply, however, I voiced my concerns on the missing Gamzee and Sollux.

"Gamzee and Sollux have been missing for awhile. You don't think Gamzee went to get him high do you?"  
"Fuck I don't know. That stupid shit is always getting himself fucking high and dragging everyone else down into his delirious state of fucking stupidity" Karkat grumbled, running a tan hand through his dark brown, messy hair. "If he is getting the lisping asshole high, I guess I should go and save him before he ends up running down the fucking street naked and into the college campus" I watched as he drained the last of his drink and slid off the seat, stuffing his hands into his pocket in a pissed off gesture. "I'll be right fucking back. Don't decide to move or you'll get your shit swept up in this tidal wave of fucking lust" he called back and stomped off, presumably to go find Gamzee and Sollux. When I couldn't see him any longer (which wasn't very far), I let out a sigh and turned back around and took another sip on the drink, the alcohol burning down my throat slightly.

_my lover she is waiting for me_

_just across the bar_

_My seat's been taken by some sunglasses_

_asking 'bout a scar_

I found myself staring off into space, lost in thought. All thoughts of the others were completely wiped from my mind as recent events played out in my head. A frown was etched on my teal painted lips, as the memories turned depressing. The image of her, her usually happy, bright face twisted into an image of anguish and grief and hurt was burned into my mind. I had lied to her, and she had found out. And after she had found out, which was just a couple months ago, she broke up with me. I wasn't trustworthy to her anymore. She couldn't believe anything that I said any longer, even though I had told her that I loved her, and I never wanted to hurt her. Of course she didn't believe me, and that day I lost her. I hadn't seen her in the weeks that followed, and when I did, they were only glimpses of her short, bouncy light brown locks before she was gone. These weeks turned into two months, and I realized that she was avoiding me completely. I let out a miserable sigh. I screwed up royally.

"Bartender! Can I have a Mai Tai?"

I could feel myself freeze. I knew that voice. It was gentle lilt to an otherwise wind chime voice. That sound had been plaguing my mind since the break up. I turned my head and saw her.

Nepeta Leijon, the girl I had lost to my stupidity.

She sat there not two seats away from me in her tight fitting, olive green dress that reached mid-thigh. Kanaya had made that for her birthday, I remembered that. She wore black leggings underneath that were lacy at the end and her cerulean blue high heels. Her hair was curled and framed her fair skinned face, her bright, olive green eyes striking against the black eyeliner and mascara, and the shadowy grey eye shadow she wore. She was beautiful. Her eyes, however, held a miserable, hurt look to them, which made my heart clench in guilt. She came here to forget about me, this I could tell.

God, I wanted to talk to her. I wanted to plead with her, to apologize, to tell her that I was the world's biggest idiot for hurting her. As I moved to approach here, someone else beat me to talking to her first. Dave Strider. He sat himself in the seat between us, his dark glasses glinting in the array of pulsating lights in the club. He leaned forward to talk to Nepeta.

"So, how you holding up with the break up? Heard that shit was all kinds of fucked up"  
I felt anger rise up in my chest as his low voice spoke these words loud enough for even me to hear over the music. I watched out of the corner of my eye and gripped the glass tightly, watching him throw me his 'cool kid' smirk of triumph.

Bastard. He was gloating right in my face, rubbing salt into the wound. I gestured for the bartender to come over and peered at him through my red tinted glasses.  
"Gimme a Caipirinha" I muttered, annoyance and rage lacing my words. The Bartender looked over at the albino asshole and Nepeta talking, and then went to make my drink I ordered. I was silently seething. How dare he bring himself over here and gloat straight to my face that he was basically going to take Nep away. I wanted to know what they were talking about, and what he was doing. As such, I stole a glance through the side of my glasses and was met with the sight of Dave brushing some of Nep's curled locks away from her face and tucking it behind her ear. I saw him say something to her, but couldn't quite catch it. Whatever it was though, it made a pretty pink tinge grace her elfin face, enticing my rage to flare once more.

_And, I know I gave it to you months ago_

_I know you're trying to forget_

_But between the drinks and subtle things, the holes and my apologies_

_Y'know, I'm trying hard to take it back_

They kept chatting away, Strider keeping his cocky cool kid smile on his lips as he ordered Nep drinks whenever she wanted them. More and more she down, which made me worried. I knew I had no right to worry over little things like that. That was something her boyfriend or girlfriend or whatever would do. But I couldn't help it. I couldn't help but grow concerned, because she was doing the same thing I did right after the break up; she was trying to drown her sorrow in alcohol. The bartender came back and handed me vodka and lime.  
"Looks like you need straight up liquor more than anything" the man said in a low, gruff manner and turned to clean glasses, leaving me to myself. I took the drink gratefully and downed half of it in one go, almost coughing it back up as the liquor burned my esophagus. God, I was disgusting. Pining over a woman I had lost because I was dumb enough to hurt her as badly as I did. My body reacted on its' own, making my eyes look over at her and Strider talking and laughing with each other, her in a drunken stupor, him buzzed. I saw his lips moving before and turned and walked off to God knows where. Her smile disappeared the moment he turned and headed off somewhere else as she downed her fifth Mai Tai in a row. She looked miserable, and God did I want to talk to her more than ever. Drinking the last of my beverage, I took a deep breath, and slid off my seat over towards her.  
"Nepeta?"  
Her head swiveled towards me, eyes wide and alit with light. My heart dropped as the light in her eyes dimmed they moment she looked at me. She turned away and stared at the empty glass in her small hands.  
"What do you want." She asked, well, more like stated in a guarded voice. She was weary of me now, afraid that I would tell her more lies. I knew this. I knew it because I know her and everything that she is.  
"Nepeta…" I began as gently as I could, but loud enough where she could hear me. "Nep I'm sorry. Jesus I'm so sorry I hurt you. I never meant to. I was stupid and blind and-"  
"I don't want to hear it!" she snapped, making me close my mouth shut immediately. Crystal-like tears beaded the edges of her lashes, close to tears. My heart constricted with guilt even more. "I don't want to hear it…" she whispered, almost to the point where I couldn't hear her.  
"Nep please, let me explain-"  
"There's nothing to explain Terezi. I can't trust you anymore. Do you even realize how much that hurt? It was like tearing my heart out straight from my chest and stomping on it with a spiked shoe" Her voice quivered as she directed a hardened glare at me. "You lied to me. But worse than that, instead of telling me what was going on you _evaded_ the truth and _waited_ until _I_ found out. Do you realize how…how _fucked up_ it was to find you two banging each other on your living room floor on our _anniversary_? Our _fucking anniversary_ Terezi! Our anniversary! That had to be the biggest _shit bag_ move in the entire history of shitbaggery!"

I couldn't even manage to utter a word as tears freely fell from her olive pools. Her words stabbed at the guilt already festering within the whole of my body. God she was right. I was the worst. How could I do that to her? I hurt her so much. No wonder why she can't trust me. No wonder why she avoided me like the plague. Seeing me would be a constant reminder of what I had done. And no doubt she had avoided Karkat like the plague as well. When she put it the way she did, I even hated myself. No, hate wasn't even a strong enough word. I utterly loathed myself. I mustered up whatever shred of backbone I had left to make things right and opened my mouth up to speak. But before I could, she fixed me with the coldest glare I'd ever seen come from her and held up her hand, silencing me before I could even begin.  
"Don't. Just…don't. I don't want to hear your apologies. I don't want to hear you berate yourself until you can't even stand yourself anymore. I want you to just…leave me alone. There's no hope for 'us'. None at all." She said, her voice holding a slight tremble to it. It was hard for her to say these words. She was a sweet person who never wanted to hurt anyone else, which made it even worse to hear it from her. Nepeta slid off her seat with a slight stumble to her step and disappeared without another word or glance at me into the throng of bodies mashed against each other on the dance floor.

_Now I know that I'm not all that you got  
I guess that I, I just thought_

_Maybe we could find new ways to fall apart_

_Now our friends are back, so let's raise a toast_

I don't know how long I stood there, nor did it really matter to me. The world had become a soundless, blurred movie that I couldn't comprehend. Right now, the only things that registered in my mind were her last words before she left. '_There's no hope for 'us'. None at all' _A stabbing pain hit my heart. I clenched my teeth and slowly sat myself up on the stool that I started on. I buried my head into my hands, trying to take deep, calming breaths as I tried not to lose composure here of all places.

She really had said that. She voiced what I never wanted to hear, what I was hoping I would never have to hear ever. She made it final. There was no chance of me ever getting her back into my arms. God if there was a word for the sensation that could be felt when one's heart metaphorically breaks, I would be using it. My heart hurt. My whole being hurt. "She was right…I am the biggest shit bag in the world" I muttered to myself in self loathing. I'm such an ass.

Picking my head up from the table, I ordered the strongest drink the bartender had and looked around the area once more, taking into account of all the familiar faces I saw. I realized with grim reality that she didn't need me anyways. There were amazing people much better than me everywhere.

I spotted Vriska, Kanaya, and Aradia in the crowd chatting it up together. Eridan and Feferi were up in the VIP lounge probably talking out problems with each other again, Jade being the mediator. Strider's older brother and Rose's older sister were at the DJ booth simply talking as he spun dance hit after dance hit. All around me, I noticed, were people that Nepeta talked with all the time. Especially Equius, who no doubt would come to pick her up if someone called him telling him that she was too hammered to walk. She had all sorts of people who would adore her and never hurt her. She didn't need a lying sack of cheating shit around her. Crestfallen, I snatched the drink up the moment it was presented to me and chugged it down, getting used to the burn. I felt myself spiraling down in self revulsion.

"Hey Terezi! I fucking found Gamzee and Sol-holy shit. You alright?" I heard Karkat yell over the crowd as he came forward, Gamzee and Sollux on his heels, both looking about as high as a kite.  
"I'm fine" I murmured as I stared out into the crowd, noticing Nepeta right away at the DJ booth with Dave, Dirk, and Roxy talking with them. I couldn't tell if she was smiling or not. But then I reminded myself why I even cared in the first place.  
"You sure? You look like shit, no offence" Karkat replied, a hint of worry in his words. I couldn't stand it. Stop worrying about me, I wanted to yell. I'm a piece of shit. I don't deserve worry. All I want is...All I want is…  
"Fuck…all I want is her…" I muttered, my head laying on my arm once more, obstructing my face from view. I couldn't see Karkat, but I could feel his confused and concerned stare on my back like a burning arrow.

'_Cause I found someone to carry me home_

_Tonight_

_We are young_

_So let's set the world on fire_

_We can burn brighter than the sun_

I got up after Jesus knows how long of just sitting there. I realized I had sobered up, even if a tiny bit, making my thoughts more coherent, but still depressing as fuck. I looked around once more, and spotted her dancing with Dave and a couple others on the dance floor. She was stumbling like crazy and couldn't stand straight up without wobbling. And Dave, that asshole, kept letting her drink more and more. I had had enough. Whether she liked it or not, I was going to get her home to sleep off the alcohol before she got potentially raped.

Hopping off the stool, I weaved my way through the writhing mass of bodies and straight up to Dave.  
"What the fuck do you think you're doing" I hissed, glaring up at him from the edged of my glasses. He raised a brow and kept his relaxed stance.  
"What? I'm letting Nep loosen up and have a good time. She needed it since your crushed her heart like a fucking grape" he replied calmly, not at all perturbed by my glare. That prick…  
"She's a light drinker! She can't handle this amount of alcohol! Stop being Dick, back the fuck off of her, and get someone else hammered!" I growled darkly then turned to Nep. Grabbing her hand, and ignoring her yells or protest, I guided her away from the bad influence she was around so she wouldn't be prone to drinking more than she already had.

"'Rezi…Terezi…Terezi! Let me go!" I halted to a stop at her words as she ripped her hand away from mine, face flushed and angry. "Who do you think you are?! I was having fun!"  
"You were getting drunk off your ass, and if I hadn't stopped you when I did you would have been in a whole world of trouble!" I shot back, turning to face her head on. I saw her falter at the fiercely protective look on my face. "I'm only looking out for you Nepeta. There may be no chance for us ever again, but I at least want to make sure you don't get gang raped by that albino asshole and his posse of fucking jerk offs." She didn't say a word. We were only staring at each other, trying to make sense of what was going on, perhaps even wondering the same thing, though I could never truly know. She may have been an open book, but I've realized that often times to people who are the most open are the most closed off.  
Nepeta took a step forward, her whole body swaying dangerously as she went. She took another stepped, and fell forward. On instinct, a caught her and let out a sigh. "So troublesome…" I murmured gently and situated her on my back.  
"M'fine…" she murmured, trying feebly to push herself off my back, but I wasn't going to budge. I was going to get her back to her dorm whether she likes it or not.  
"No you're not fine" I replied in a firm tone, making sure my hold was secure before I headed forward. "You're drunk to the point where you can't walk. I'm taking you home. Please…just…let me do this…" I added the part softly so only she could hear. She was silent for a moment before she wrapped her arms gently across my shoulders to keep herself secure as well. Taking that as an okay, I headed out of the club.

_Carry me home tonight  
Just carry me home tonight  
Carry me home tonight  
Just carry me home tonight._

I walked on the sidewalk alit with streetlamps at a slow pace. I didn't want to jostle her to much and make her sick. She was quiet as we walked, which was rare for her. She was always the one to make conversation on any given moment in time. Although, I guess, in my case she had nothing more to say to me. A frown graced my lips as I walked at the thought. Shaking my head mentally to rid myself of those thoughts, I made a mental reminder to text Karkat when I got Nep all situated where I was so he wouldn't freak out.

I held Nepeta securely in my arms on my back, but gently, remembering how easily she seemed to bruise. Her head lay gently on my shoulder, her breath fanning against my neck in an even rhythm. It painfully reminded me of all the times we simply spent together, watching whatever it was she wanted to watch. She would always lay her head on my shoulder, and I would fall asleep to her sweet, even breaths on my bare neck. I bit back the sadness that wanted to encase me completely and focused on my objective at the present moment.

"Terezi..." I heard Nep say softly, her words slightly slurred thanks to the alcohol in her system.

"Yes Nep?" I replied gently, keeping an even pace, ignoring the cars as the flew by, creating merely ribbons of light on a shadowed street.

"I miss you..." she said quietly, tightening her grip around my neck ever so slightly, and burying her head farther into my neck. My own grip tightened just slightly as I brought her closer, letting out a soft, sad sigh. God, how I wished for so long that I could have changed what had happened. And to hear that from her...  
I bit back everything I truly wanted to say, knowing that she wouldn't pay attention to most of it in her state, and felt satisfied with simply saying,

"I miss you too Nep…so much that it hurts..."

_So if by the time the bar closes  
And you feel like falling down  
I'll carry you home tonight_


	4. Letters That Wwill Nevver Reach

**Here's the fourth installment lovelies! I got inspiration for this from a beautiful Eridan video on youtube. Just type in Be Thou My Vvision. Trust me, it'll give you so many feels you won't know what to do with them all. I know I did. Anyways. I thought I'd take a crack at doing this letter style, and I think it came out pretty darn good if I do say so myself. I find this couple more of the sadder ships, considering everything they've been through. And I truly wanted to exemplify Eridan's feelings on the whole ordeal. He doesn't get enough love and understanding from the fandom from what I've seen, and I wanted to show him in a new light. I do hope you enjoy, and as always, please, PLEASE, Review, favorite, and follow! Reviews give me ideas for NEXT INSTALLEMENTS TO THE FANFICTION. It is imperative that I receive these. Thank you.  
Eridan, since you're the star of this chapter, care to do the disclaimer?**

**CA: shore**  
**CA: demon-maid-novva-jigoku does not owwn homestuck**  
**CA: andreww hussie does**

**Thank you Eridan! And please, enjoy this installment: _Letters That Wwill Nevver Reach_**

Fef,

I knoww I have no right to talk to you at this moment, and I definitely don't have the right to send you a letter in the slightest, but I wwant to. Evven if this nevver reaches you, it's still a wway for me to tell you evverything wwithout havving to fumble over my owwn wwords to tell you.

Apparently I'm supposed to start wwith an apology for my actions, but I don't wwant to start wwith that. I wwant to start on wwhat I'vve felt for the longest time. Fef, I felt abandoned. I wwas hurt and angry because you stopped being my moirall. I wwas upset because suddenly Kar hated me. Vvriska wwouldn't be my kismesis any longer. I felt alone and left behind, and I hated it. I hated bein alone wwith no one there to share happiness and sorroww. I had no one there to talk about wwhat I'm feelin or howw I wwas doin or nothing. I wwas alone, wwhich made me scared, and made me mean. I wwas scared of losin you to sollux of all people Fef, and it terrified me to knoww that he made you happier than I evver did. All I wwanted wwas for you to be wwith me, and that's it.

I knoww I'm not the greatest troll around, and I knoww that I had goals that you wweren't happy wwith or approvved of, but, for me, it wwas the only wway to keep your attention from wwanderin awway to someone else. And wwhen that day came and you turned awway from me, I felt my wworld fall and crash at my feet in a million glitterin pieces that dulled and turned to dust in an instant. I couldn't believve it. Evverythin I wworked for wwas blowwn up in my face in as little as a sentence. My sadness had swwelled and turned into an ugly hate that I should havve nevver let surface. And for that Fef, I am sorry. I let my grief turn into unadulterated fury that consumed so completely that I couldn't swwim in it to reach the surface and break free. I wwas drowwnin in my sadness fueled by hate. And because of that, I hurt you.

I ended your life as if it didn't mean a thing to me. But it did. Oh cod it did. I didn't realize it until after I had joined the afterlife in my owwn dream bubble. I had stayed there for the longest time, stewwin in my owwn hate. But then, I met another you, from a doomed timeline. Wwe talked for a long time, and she coaxed me out of my anger, and I finally realized wwhat I had done. I felt like shit. The one person I wwanted to protect more than anythin died by my owwn hand.

I messed up big time Feferi, and I'm sorry for that. I'm sorry I hurt you the wway I did. I'm sorry I wwasn't a better moirall for you like I should havve and I apologize for bein such a royal prick to you. I hope you can forgivve me one day for evverythin I'vve done. I can nevver forgivve myself for hurting you, nor wwill I really expect you to forgivve me as openly, but I hope that one day, in that beautiful heart so full of kindness and sincerity and passion for others, that you can forgivve me for my trespasses.

I just wwant you to knoww fef, that if you do end up not forgivving me, just knoww that i wwill alwways care for you, more than I'vve evver cared for someone in my life. Humans call this emotion 'lovve', and I guess that's wwhat it is. I lovve you Fef, forevver and alwways.

Sincerely yours for all of eternity,

Eridan

**_END_  
I do hope everyone enjoyed this, because I enjoyed writing it. Please, please, PLEASE  
READ**

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**

**AND PUT THIS ON YOUR STORY ALERT**

**Thank you~**


	5. My Dear One

**I'm so so glad that you all loved Eridan's Story! It Makes Me Really Happy To See How Many People Actually Read This. I hope, as I grow and mature as an authoress, that I'll be able to create short stories worthy of your viewing pleasure and that, at my current state, more and more people can appreciate what I'm writing and why I write it. **

**Anyways, enough of my ranting. Here is the Fifth Installment. I got the idea in a dream actually, and just had to write it out. It ended up being two pages and a mere 1,109 words. I hope you all enjoy This Letterfic from the Dolorosa to her son the Signless/Sufferer. Dolorosa? Would You Mind?  
Dolorosa: Not At All My Dear  
Dolorosa: Demon-Maid-Nova-Jigoku Does Not Own In Any Way Shape Or Form The Webcomic Homestuck Or It's Characters  
Dolorosa: Andrew Hussie Does.  
**

**Thank You Dolorosa. Now please, PLEASE REVIEW! I am an authoress. You don't even know how much I LIVE off of reviews! SO Please, Please keep them coming! Without Further ado, I give you "My Dear One"**

"My Dear One"  
_

My Child

How You Have Grown And Matured Into A Troll That Everyone Can Gaze Upon With Respect And Reverence. You've Worked Persistently For Such A Long Time, And You Were So Proud And So Hopeful That Others Would Visualize What You Have Seen And Follow In The Ideals You Have Set To Change This World Teeming With Inequality, Intolerance, And Loathing. I Just Wanted You To Know That What You Are Doing Has Made Me So Proud. Our Signless, You Were Truly And Inspiration To Those Around You.

You Know, It Is Morbidly Comical Now That I Am Beginning To Realize Certain Things As Of Late. I Am, In A Way, Responsible For Everything That You Have Been Subjected To For The Sweeps That You Have Lived. If I Had Never Taken You In And Raised You, Perhaps You Would Have Passed Peacefully, Fading From Existence, And Would Have Never Been Fully Introduced Into This World That Would Not Accept Your Unique Qualities.

Yet, That Small Form Of Yours, So Young, So Innocent, So Full Of Life, Somehow Drew Me Away From My Duties As A Caretaker For The Mother Grub And Redirected All Of My Focus And Everything That I Was And Am To Caring For You Within Seconds. My Dear, You Held On To Me So Tightly The First Time I Laid You In My Arms. I Remember Being Overwhelmed With The Sudden Need To Protect You, To Care For You, To Give You Everything That I Was In Order For You To Flourish As A Troll. That One Gesture Set Everything In Stone For Me. I Would Be Your Guardian And Raise You To Be A Troll That Would Be Able To Stand With His Head Held High And Proud In Defiance At What All Others Tell Him. I Would Raise You With The Knowledge Of Survival In A World That Had Shunned You From The Very Beginning.

As You Grew You Asked Me So Many Questions And, As Your Guardian, I Answered Them With The Most Adequate Answers I could Reciprocate Without Hindering Your Understanding. You Used To Sit Upon My Lap Enraptured By My Responses, And From Those, You Shaped The Troll That You Are Today With The Help Of Your Visions.

Ah…Those Visions…I Never Perceived Anything To Be Amiss With Them When You Were Younger. I Always Thought That They Were Whimsical Imaginings Created By An Overactive Think Pan. You Used To Recall The Images In Your Dreams With Such Clarity That I Could Scarcely Believe That A Young Grub Could Somehow Form These Visions So Easily. As You Described Them To Me Over Sweeps However, I Began To See A Change In You. You Were Growing From A Young Grub Kept Away From The World To A Mature Troll Pacing The Caves Like A Caged Clawbeast, Ready And Wanting To Get Free And Change This World You Came To Pity And Be Compassionate For, Rather That Despise It Entirely. I Knew After Some Time That I Could Not Stop You From Doing What You Wished. You Were A Young Yet Mature Troll Ready To Face Anything That Came At You In Order To Make Your Dream Realized. Being The Mother That I Was, I Couldn't Bear To See You Walk Out Of My Life So Easily. I Wanted To Protect You As Always. Hence, I Joined Your Group Of World Changers, For Better Or For Worse.

I Came Along On Your Journey And, As Old As I Was, I Learned So Many New Things I Never Dreamed Of Learning In All My Sweeps. With You, I Saw Great Acts Of Kindness, And Of Wretched Cruelty Among Our People. I Watched As You Found A Moirall You Confided In And Worked With As If You Two Were Born From the Same Person. I Was There When You Found A Love In Your Disciple That Could Not Possibly Be Classified In The Slightest. I Basked In The Change You Were Making. I Was So Proud Of You. I Am Proud Of You. My Dear, You Defied All Odds. You Fought A Verbal Battle Against All Who Told You That, Because Of What Your Blood Color Was, You'd Never Amount To Anything. I Saw The Change You Were Making In People, And At The Sight, I Wept.

I Wept Because I Was Proud. But I Also Wept Because I Knew What Was To Happen Next. In A Flurry Of Movement, Cries Of Rage, The Sounds Of Armor Clinking Against Each Joint Rapidly, We Were All Taken Away. I Watched As They Tortured You With Their Clubs, Their Fists, Their Arrows, And Branded You By The Wrists As If You Were Trash.

I Wanted To Perish At The Sight. My Signless, My Sufferer, My Child Whom I've Loved More Than Life Itself, Was Being Tortured In Front Of My Eyes, And There Was Nothing That I Could Do About It. I Watched As, At Last, In The Last Moments Of Life, You Shouted Out Your Rage And Grief To The Skies. My Darling, I Never Wished To See You Die. I Never Wished To See You Fall Apart In Front Of Me. What Was Equally As Worse Was Watching Your Disciple Be Forced To Run And Live A Life Alone Without You In It. I Knew That The Death Of A Broken Heart Was The Only Thing She Was To Die From. She Loved You So Much, And They Took You Away. I Watched As The Psiionic Was Used As A Tool By The Condace To Fly Her Ship, And Slowly Disintegrate Into Nothing As She Drained Him Of Every Last Bit Of Power He Had In His Noble Body.

As For Me...Well, What Happened To Me Doesn't Matter Any More. What Was Done Was Done. I Had No Way Of Changing It In The Slightest. The Only Thing I Wished I Could Change Even Now Was They Way You Left This World So Abruptly. I Wish You Could Have Spent More Time With Psiionic, Your Disciple, And I. I Wished That Your Dreams Had Come True, That Your Visions Could Have Become A Reality. I Wished For A Lot Of Things For You. I Do Not Know How You Are Faring Now. I Do Not Know If You Are Alone, Or If You Are With Your Precious Disciple And Your Moirall. I Do Not Know If You Are Still Suffering Or If You Are At Peace. I Just Hope That You Are Content, And Remember That I Love You More Than Anything.

With Love From A Mother Who Never Stops Loving Her Child,

"The Dolorosa"  
**  
_**

**Wow, Finished. As Always. Please.**

**REVIEW**

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**Thank you~**


	6. thank you fur killing a waste of space

**Holy crap it's been FOREVER since I've updated! I am so sorry! *bows in apology* Do blame school and writer's block. Good grief...writer's block *ick face* Well anyways, here's another installment! BUT! Before you read it, please, READ THIS FIRST. It will be lengthy, but it will explain my reasoning behind Nepeta's behavior and tone of voice in this one shot letterstuck. Most people may think that Nep is nothing but sugar and sweetness with a dash of adorable kittiness. BUT. Remember, she's also a hunter, and it was explained that half the time her happiness was a ruse. I suspect that the rejection she felt from Karkat and the fact that not a lot of people actually TALKED to her, aside from Terezi during role play sessions and her moirall, whom, face it, is not the cuddliest of people, she could have developed a personality deep down that is much...darker. I suspect that if Gamzee HADN'T killed her and she found out about Karkat and Terezi's relationship, she would have snapped, especially after her moiralls death. So, after death, she would finally realize that it didn't matter if she hid her more uglier emotions. She'd still act happy and bubbly when around certain people, but other than that she'd be in her dream bubble sullen, sad, and angry. With this thought in mind, I came up with this to showcase the emotions Nepeta never wanted to show people for fear of being rejected. Thank you for listening to the ramblings of an authoress.  
Now that that's explained, Nep? Care to do the disclaimer?  
:33 sure!  
:33 Demon-Maid-Nova-Jigoku does not own homestuck! andrew hussie does!**

**Without further ado, I give you the next installment of What I Wish: -Confession of the Broken-**

* * *

**_Confession of the Broken_**

Gamzee,

By the time you get this, I very well may be dead, and by your hand no less. I've watched and waited for you to spiral out of control and hit rock bottom. And you did, like I predicted. You let your true self shine so darkly, bringing all of us into your deep, dank hole of despair that seems to encase your whole being so completely. You know, you actually had me convinced for the longest time that you were good, that you were a great friend and ally. I believed that I could trust you. I realize now that I was a fool for letting myself trust you, when I knew all along what you were capable of. I guess I decided to give you the benefit of the doubt, even though every single hunting instinct in my body told me not to. I was just a stupid, naive little wriggler for believing such a lie huh?

In all honesty, I don't know why I chose you out of all trolls to write a letter to. I could have written one to Terezi, Tavros, perhaps Aradia or even Feferi. But I figured that half of them would be dead by the time you got this, either by your hand, Ampora's or Serket's. All you noblebloods and highbloods are all quite unstable little things with a knack for killing everyone around you hm? How fitting for your destructive castes. My moirall may have been unstable, but at least he squashed his need to spill innocent blood as much as possible.

You probably still have no idea why I'm writing this to you right? I figured as much. I should start on something about myself that no one but Equius knew about me: I wasn't all happiness, kittens and sparkles, like the lot of you thought. I was born to be a predator, born to be a hunter. In my quest to be accepted by others, I repressed the wild, unstable side of myself that would have been deemed 'ugly' to the others. In truth, I hated acting cheerful and bright. I hated smiling every single gog damn day just to make sure the rest of you stayed sane during the game. But of course, what I did or tried to do didn't matter, now did it? Half of us are probably dead, including me, this I know. I was never important to any of you. I was just there. I was the third party piece of shit that shouldn't have been even alive. I'm nothing compared to you game changers. I tried. I tried so _so_ hard to get the attention of my allies, to become friends with everyone, to be someone that trolls could rely on and remember. I failed in my quest didn't I? No one cares do they? Least of all you. After all, if you had any semblance of caring within your body, you would have never gone crazy. You would have tried to fight it as best as you could.

...Heh. What am I saying? You were like this from the very beginning weren't you. Being high on sopor slime was the only way you could control yourself wasn't it? It was the only way you could have suppressed your inner monster right? You know, in a way I pity you. You had to resort to such a method to control yourself. If you had found a moirall earlier maybe all of this could have been avoided. Then again, that may be my naivete peeking through again. I don't know. I shouldn't pity you. I should hate you completely. After all, as I write this part,

I'm dead. By _your_ hand.

And you know what? I guess I'm okay with that for the most part. Not with you killing me off course. I want to rip you limb from limb because of that. However I find death liberating in a sense. I can gently stoke the fires of my burning hatred of you in solitude, and I can be myself without anyone thinking that me being serious is odd. I won't be a burden to the troll I was red for. The 'autistic cat troll' won't be darkening another doorway for him any longer. It's probably how he likes it. In fact, I'm sure he's throwing a grand ol' party for me being gone. The nuisance, the annoyance, the thing that had no value was finally gone, thank gog. You know, it's an ironic thing really. I'm a Heart player, which entitles that I be valuable to everyone right? I take hearts for the benefit of others. I'm a Heart player, and yet I feel like that was a useless talent wasted on me. After all, there was no way I could have taken someone's heart in the first place. I am nothing.

Well, I've wasted enough of your valuable time. I just wanted to let you know that you saved me in a sense. Through your senseless violence, I was released from the physical prison I was trapped in. I can be myself. I can be petty and upset and snarky if I wish. I can be with Equius and my own Karkat to call my own. And with my death, I won't have to worry about living without Equius, and not being able to be with Karkat. Because….beclaws…with no doubt, I would have fallen into despair and would have lost myself if I had stayed with efurryone alive and well. I would have b33n the one to go crazy. So thank you gamz33…thank you fur ending the existence of a troll that should have nefur b33n spawned.

Yours Truly,

Nepeta

P.S. I will claw out your fucking throat someday. Count on it  
-insert kismesis sign here-


	7. SUPER IMPORTANT NOTICE PLEASE READ!

**Hello my lovelies!  
I just wanted to say that I am SUPER DUPER sorry for the wait! I know it's been a LONG time since I updated! I had the serious case of writer's block. UGH. But not to worry. After much contemplation I have a story in mind. And because you all have been waiting for so long, I'll make sure it's a…  
Drum roll please!  
*Drum rolls by*  
DUR!  
IT SHALL BE A NICE SHORT STORY!  
That will still rip out your feels and stomp on them of course. :) **** But I do hope you like it when it comes out. Look forward to it lovelies!**

**~Demon-Maid-Nova-Jigoku**


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